After reading the article from Bob Proctor on decision three times I have a few realizations. The word ambivalence comes up. I think in High School I was ambivalent.
I say I was diplomatic. I was often asked for advice and was a very good listener. I could regurgitate both sides of the arguments I heard. I was in the school debating team. I did not have many close friends but I was respected.
I thought I was missing out because I was an outsider. I was the only one who had to travel so far by myself to get to high school. Most of my new school-mates lived near the school or travelled together from another town (Sunbury – now called Water Gardens). All my primary school friends went to a different secondary school, so I had no continuity.
I never had any encouragement to succeed academically. I was the only girl in a family of five children. Yet I was attracted to the university life and academic atmosphere. I was quite intellectual and very intelligent.
I wanted to learn everything. I wanted to study and I wanted to earn my own money. (As kids we didn’t get any pocket money.) Or maybe in other words, I didn’t know what to do. I could not decide. I finally left school because I wanted my independence. Then I went back to college in the evenings, until I decided to travel to Europe.
I was the first one I know who travelled in my youth in 1973. I was just 19 years old and we had no apps, mobile phones or internet. I bought “Europe on Five and Ten Dollars a Day” a book which had just come out.
If I say now that I was ambivalent, maybe to a certain extent I still am.
Currently, I am waiting till after my rehabilitation, in February, following my double knee replacement surgery last year, before making committed decisions. I feel like the things that are important to me are still developing and I am not ready to commit while I am not in a position to start acting on my commitments until later.
So, the one decision I am making now is to continue blogging and vlogging even though I lack a certain confidence. I feel insecure. I was focussing on my limitations.
Of course, my intention was to boast about overcoming them. Yesterday we heard from Earl Nightingale that we should not talk about our health unless it is good. I wanted to tell you how I’m recovering from my knee surgery. So I feel deflated, insecure, discouraged. My decision is to overcome the feelings of inadequacy, to face my fears and keep going. I can only learn from the feedback and it may not be all bad.
So, Dear Bob Proctor, my decision today, is to continue exposing myself and my inadequacies and making myself vulnerable. Even though I am doing your course on financial freedom, my goals are really not monetary. Of course, I’d love to have just a little bit more of a regular stable income. However, I have enough faith and determination to know that we will survive. My goal is to share the precious principles I have learned. And I am amazed how much the principles I’ve subscribed to over the last 45 years in the unification movement gel with the principles you teach. In fact, I see my mission again as a bridge builder.
No, I am not ambivalent. I want it all. I want to teach our unificationist missionaries how to live a successful life even by society’s standards and I want to teach the money-makers how to live a principled life in Heavenly Parents Holy Community.