LillyPad

Hop on to my pad, Ozlilly's musings

A leaf of Lilly’s Pad

Step into my pad. Hop on to my Blog! Take a leaf of my pad and browse my views, opinions, share in my experiences and ideas. 
Continue reading

Raben Mutter

Can I write my diary like my blog? I took photos of my steak yesterday, but no other shots of people, the place, the event. There was a selfie by David as we left Vienna. There was a group photo at the end. There was that good talk with John Fenessey at the Restaurant over dinner. I told him how I have to respect my kids and end up posting only photos of my food instead of everything else I am proud of.

  • Am I so insecure?
  • Am I suffering a lack of confidence?
  • DO I HAVE IMPOSTER SYNDROME?
  • Or am I traumatized since becoming a Moonie?

Tick: All of the above! LOL. LOL? Laugh out loud? Really? Is this funny? Well funny curious, not funny haha. At 64 I am still going through self-discovery, self recognition, self cognition. Getting to know myself. In the car on the way home for some reason I shared the experience I had when we were in Linz and I went to the paediatrian with my son who seemed to have breathing problems.

Yes, I remember the reason. We were dropping Mitch off at the railway station in Linz and I mentioned that we had lived in Linz for six years. David asked what it was like and I said we lived near the Danube and it was nice to walk along the Danube with the kids. Three of my children were born there.

The story was about the air quality in Linz which at that time was quite bad due to smog in the basin and the steel works nearby. The other part of the story is my feeling of inadequacy as a mother and the paediatrician’s response: Do not take a guilt trip about never giving your children enough love! (All lung and breathing tests proved positive and everything was fine.) There is an Austrian expression: “Raben Mutter”. It expresses a negligent mother who doesn’t take enough care of her children. It refers to working mothers. At that time I was “only” working at home, with my five children and supporting Josef in the home office. I love my children. I am so grateful to have had five of them. I am also grateful that my mother had five. Even though I always wanted a sister. Then I wanted a daughter. I got four brothers and five sons instead. God had other plans. But in His wisdom and in my faith, I still believe that “God” knows what “He’s” doing! Oh, the punctuation! So much more coming out here. So much more to express.

It is Sunday morning and I got home after midnight. Yesterday I got up at four in the morning and at six I was on my way to Salzburg for the Toastmasters Division Contest. It was a full day of amazing speeches from incredible people doing wonderful things.

Maybe I should be posting on the Toastmasters FaceBook page and reporting on the results? Maybe I should check all my What’sApp messages and share the photos? Maybe I should really be doing something else? Well, I have done a few minutes of journaling and now I am going to have my shower before Josef returns from the Sunday Service. And not only maybe, but actually, I will learn those affirmations to replace the negativity of: “I am not a raben mutter.”

Thank you Mark Schaefer. I read your article after writing but not publishing the above.

https://businessesgrow.com/2019/03/19/ten-years-of-blogging/

Dear Clare,

Ask your conscience. Only you and your God know.

So much out there. Live-stream? Forbid it because one person abused a privilege? Atomic energy – forbid it because of Chernobyl and Fukushima? Guns – forbid them because of irresponsible users and owners? Elder brothers forbid them because Cain killed Abel?

Reverend Moon taught me that evil appears to conquer before goodness can prevail. We know the saying about the darkest hour before dawn; the silver lining in the cloud; evil prevails when good men do nothing. Well, thanks Mark Shaefer, Aletta Rochard and many others, who are encouraging me to tell my story. No, this is not about me. It is about every single individual person on this planet and human integrity, respect and value.

Do I have an inferiority complex because I grew up with four brothers? Or because they all had a bicycle and I didn’t? Or because I didn’t know what it felt like to be a winner, when I didn’t know how to write my essay (compostion it was called then) in primary school and asked my mother for advice. Was it her fault that I couldn’t express the required winners’ thoughts as an Olympic medallion winner, when she advised me to just say I ran anyhow but it doesn’t matter that I didn’t win? Was she putting me down because I was “only a girl”?

What am I trying to prove anyhow?

Well actually, I really do my journaling for my own peace of mind. Maybe I even have a secret fear of getting Alzheimers, or some other dreadful vestiges of the mini-stroke I had six years ago. Maybe these memory lapses and my intelligence and keen sense of observation will help somebody else one day. Well, afterall, this is all just part of my story. So please let me tell it. I was so afraid you would leave me in fear when you discovered I was a unificationist. Moonies they used to call us. Surely now I have proven my sanity, my integrity, my value as a human being. We talk about tolerance, love, understanding, equality. I have experienced the other side. Let me get it out. You know how easily I cry. The optician said it is blocked tear ducts. Let’s see what difference two weeks on antibiotic eye drops does.

This is actually quite fun. I think most people who read this will just get totally confused and won’t even bother reading to the end. So I am enjoying telling my story the way I talk and think. A million things at a time. My way. Will I have the courage to post it publicly?

Grammarian

You know those days when you are so busy you don’t know what to do next? And then all the days when you think you’ll never catch up? Well, I’m just managing a bit of my “catch-up” and posting videos and blog posts about some Toastmasters activities. Here’s a link to the continuation of the previous entry. I volunteered to be the grammarian for the meeting at the VIC on Tuesday. Then I was also awarded the best table topic ribbon award for the day. Next weekend we will do another COT Club Officer Training, this time via Zoom. I really enjoy the collaborating and networking opportunities. We make them and take them.
Weird how I am also going through all sorts of ups and downs knowing that my final contract at the Agency will be concluding soon, together with my term as Area Director of F2.
Don’t you sometimes wish for a little more balance in your life? But then when you realize you can be grateful for all you have and in retrospect, it was all just as it was meant to be?
I’m bathing in the mindful gratitude of what I have now and appreciate it while I am still in the midst of it!

Trophy

Club Visitor Trophy, District 109, Toastmasters, Catch the Flag!
What did I do last Monday night? As an active Toastmaster, I enjoy listening to people speak. As the F2 Area Director, I like to visit my clubs occasionally.  Continue reading

That was 2018

 Taking stock of 2018 a couple things come to mind. It was the first time ever that I flew to Australia twice in one year. Continue reading

New Year Reflection

Just an impulsive immediate right now thought to jot down and shoot out. No, not my review of 2018. Still working on that! Lol.
New Year’s Eve He* suggested we go out for a walk. Continue reading

Season’s Greetings

What’s the point of writing a blog? What’s the point of MY blog? I write to journal, to reflect on the day, on my life. Today as I tap briefly into FaceBook I realize I will first write in my blog before posting our Christmas photo. Continue reading

Merry Christmas

As we prepare to celebrate together with our family tomorrow, we reflect in gratitude to God for all the blessings we have received. Continue reading

A Week and a Day

How quickly the time has flown. So much video footage, not processed, not shared. I am back home. Work tomorrow. Continue reading

Before the Trip Back Home

I’ve seen prayer rooms at Seoul and Dubai airports. I had never noticed one at Melbourne Airport Continue reading

Last Sunday in Australia

It was only two weeks here Down Under but it was really worth it. Continue reading

« Older posts

© 2019 LillyPad

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑