A Long, Long Summer
Our summer this year has honestly lasted until now, here in the northern hemisphere.
It is the first time that I cannot say that I am mourning the too short summer and missing the heat. Yesterday as Josef and I returned home late in the evening, we met the cafe owners downstairs, on the street. They had cameras in the house and were filming all day. I saw the cameras at one point as I went out and glanced back through the glass doors into the courtyard.
Josef and I went out to the Knoedel Manufacture for our marriage time. We do marriage time typically every Friday night. Sometimes it is just a TV session together as we watch: “Der Alte”, or “Der Staatsanwalt”. We also often watch “Die Rosenheim Cops” on Thursday night together. This week we postponed to Saturday night, though we also went out spontaneously to a concert on Thursday night. The querks of living in the city.
I must say I probably watch more TV than he does. We are however both very dedicated to our “mission” work. Even though he’s still working three days a week, every moment at home, when he is not cooking, he is usually studying, reading, researching, or writing to politicians. I see him poring over books he has read again and again. I find him on the couch, at his desk, in the arm chair, studing, reading, or sometimes, dozing. Of course, he still takes his afternoon nap – and I have started to follow suit. I now have also learned to take a break in the middle of the day.
We are both nearly seventy and retired and we have really come to appreciate what we have. Josef goes cycling and walking and is currently often saying that he feels fitter now, than he has for a number of years.
Last week we attended the memorial service for Kathrin Ladstaedter, and today for Josef Oswald. Both were younger than we were and have now passed on to the spiritual world. We continue to pray together every morning and night. We study Hon Dok Hae every morning and discuss the translation of Reverend Moon’s words. We consider who was he talking to, when did he say that, and how could we comprehend the true intention and meaning of those words?
I continue to subscribe to personal development programmes. I discover I should be more focussed. I learn I need to be more visible. I am asked, what is the point of what I am doing?
And I consider my 69 years of life and that of my colleagues who have passed. Do I need to have the perfect formulation before I express anything at all? Will anybody ever have time to go through all my digital clutter? Is it all just clutter – or are there valuable nuggets among all my videos, photos and writings?
When will I write my autobiography?
I really appreciate the tip by Dean Graziosi to just make an outline, a skeleton and post it to notes on your smart phone. Then whenever you are inspired, just walk and talk and speak about your life. Share your thoughts and experiences. Then send it to Otter, he said. Get it transcribed automatically and then you process your various chapters and reorder them, edit them to your heart’s content.
I notice how I have come to write this blog today quite spontaneously. I guess my thing is rather to type my heart out, rather than speak into my phone or write by hand into a notebook. Even though I have been using a lot of notebooks lately. I have one for my Tony Robbins course, one for my Women’s Federation, one for my Golden Goddess Circle and a few others as well.
So I sometimes ask myself how can I focus when I am doing so much? I acknowledge that it would certainly be advantageous to remove the clutter from my desk. Then I also think of my wardrobe clutter and my body clutter. Having gained so much weight recently I do not feel inclined to part with too many of my clothes, simply because I can not imagine staying at this weight and am often exasperated as to what to wear.
Now that the summer appears to be truly over, I will have to reconsider my wardrobe. However, the bigger theme for me is to really love myself. I’ve been here before where I discovered that my femininity was lovable despite what I felt was way too much weight. Can’t believe, that I have now reached a new all-time high and struggle to internalize the same lesson.
Yet what are we really here to learn?
I believe in life-long learning. I know from Divine Principle my purpose in life is to learn to love. To learn to love on four levels: as a child – to my parents, as a sibling – to my brothers and peers, as a spouse, to my husband, and ultimately as a parent, like God, to my children and to all children of this world, God’s children. When we become aware of one family under God, when we recognize God as our Heavenly Parent, we know we are all brothers and sisters. So, even though I try not to get too religious, I can’t help sharing my deepest truth. I know I am here to grow my heart. Meanwhile, I do personal development courses which teach me that I need to be visible, which try to convince me that there is a place for my idosyncracies.
And now, just to top it all off, I went into an on-line meeting before completing this blog article. Now I’ve just checked my photos and come to a deep realization. Josef and I went to a concert on Thursday night. We stopped to admire the full moon on the way home.
On date night, we walked through the park so I could clock up my five thousand steps for the day, again, under the full moon.
I appreciate, I marvel. I am grateful. And yes, I am learning to love myself. Why, because I see my husband loves me.