Oops and another two weeks, what twenty days have passed since my last post. I had some feedback that I looked down after my short video. I even hesitated posting it but in my determination to be honest and transparent, decided to post it anyhow. I am not always up and bright and cheery. And this knee operation has been a real challenge. That’s not to say that I’ve been depressed ever since. I’ve had so many thoughts and ideas about things I could write to you about.
This morning Josef and I were reading together. It was Friday, so he has the day off. He has officially retired but continues working as before. He loves his job. He is also the “Betriebsrat” – a type of staff representative and of course the extra income now that I have retired is a great help. We are still living in this great flat in the middle of Vienna.
I’ve been doing a couple of inspirational courses with Vivienne Posch about leveraging your consciousness. I’m working on the abundance thinking. I am so rich. I’ll download Bob Proctor’s book on You are born rich.
My knee is getting better. Since my last physiotherapy I have doubled my exercises.
Despite leaving my home therapy programme at the clinic, I am still doing at least forty minutes of therapy a day, with 30 minutes home trainer each morning and the twenty minutes or so in the morning when I wake up. Still working on getting the full scope of exercises in the evening. Last week the therapist suggested increasing to three times a day as well as doing 40 repetitions instead of the 3×12. Occasionally I step on the threshold and do the exercises there. I stretch to my toes and then let my heels hang down. I can hold on to the door jamb if I lose my balance. I know the programme that the clinic gave me included other exercises like balancing on one leg which I only occasionally do. I want the copy of my exercises in writing to follow them systematically.
Notice how I have carefully told you how good I am and what I AM doing and avoided beating myself up about all the exercises I am not doing? It is such a paradigm change which takes constant effort.
I’ve stopped the opioids completely and was getting a bit concerned about managing the pain with just the other medication. So I’m happy and surprised to report that now, at over thirteen weeks post op, the pain is really much better. I still have a bit around the knee cap. The scar also still hurts when I massage it. It is still quite hard in places.
Now I was going to split my blog into medical records and normal inspiration. Here I am all into the “gory details” again! Sorry about that.
I figured that “somebody” will be interested in knowing all the actual facts and I’m actually really only writing this blog for myself. So I’ve determined to go ahead and be honest with what I’m really going through. That is so hard. And as you saw, the pictures of me looking all sad and contemplative gave the impression that I was down. I didn’t pick the music. It was the choice of Quik the programme I used to make the composition using photos and videos I had made. I too thought it looked too negative, but decided I was not going to hide anymore. Of course I still do. I have not been wearing any make-up since the day of my operation. I feel so old when I see myself in the mirror and in photos.
“Once this is all over” I’ll get back to presenting myself again. I’ll buy myself some more makeup. I’ll do my face every day.
Well, after the visit to the surgeon I’ve realised that I have to get on with my life anyhow. Well – I want to, I get to, get on with my life. I thought I’d just clink out of public life for a year in 2020 and take care of my health, get my two knee replacements and then get on with real life again afterwards.
Well now, looks like I’ll have to wait another four or five months until the next operation, so how long before I can consider “normal” life again? That made me realise I’m going to adjust a few concepts and shake myself up a bit.
After all, lots of people are going through similar crises with Corona and its aftermath.
I’ve had a constant sniffle and every now and then when my throat gets a bit sore I wonder whether I have Corona. I’m actually living a very sheltered life, so I shouldn’t even be exposed. Josef goes off to work four times a week and we typically kiss hello before he washes his hands when he comes home.
This morning we read on page 1026:
“The perfection of humankind requires a complete understanding of these four great realms of heart under the true love of God. The foundation for this is the ideal family. A family that embodies the four great realms of heart is the smallest unit of humankind that fulfils God’s ideal of creation.”
I said that paragraph sums up what we believe. Then we continued discussing it and decided the language has been badly translated. It’s like a static photo of a dynamic life. Completion and perfection are two words that come up in our unification principle theology which often mislead thought processes. Life is a process of growth, maturation and change. Even a family has young immature individuals in it so how can you talk about completion or perfection? We are all dynamic individuals and so are all our relationships. Once I realise I am still growing I can change and make a difference. Every single day.
My last post called end of the world. Did you get it? The message was that it is not the end of the world. Yet our subconscious mind cannot read the word not so it thinks it is the end of the world. And my video and story ends with my husband bringing me a cup of coffee. So even if it is the end of the world, I’m okay. My husband brought me a cup of coffee. We are in heaven together, smiling and drinking coffee.