I’m not really hooked on FaceBook, WhatsApp, television, emails or my mobile phone. I am happy to have some time to just be and do. It’s good that now most people are being forced to just be and do.

I know many can’t cope with it or themselves. Some are living alone and bored stiff because they are lonely and don’t know what to do with themselves. I’ve always said I am never bored – I have so much I want to do. Yet I know I am grateful for the balance in my life. I have a companion who is not here twenty-four hours a day. I do need my private time. Yet I am also glad that I am not completely alone.
Why the tears? I am just so proud of my kids. Of course we did something right.
This week I did not participate in nearly as many webinars as last week. I could tell you the ones I missed or the ones I attended. So many of my mentors are reaching out, serving, teaching, sharing, inspiring.
Memoirs and blog. I’m facing myself. I’m facing us as a couple. I want to share. I want to rant and rave. I’m almost feeling compromised. I believe I have a story to tell and still feel like I have to protect myself and can’t be honest, open and transparent. Yet that is exactly what I want to do. Yes, and I do feel inadequate, small, alone and accused.

Even my WhatsApp fails to open. So many friends sending encouraging, funny, helpful video clips via WhatsApp. I can’t keep track of what I’ve read and what I haven’t. Every clip freezes before it even opens. Then I go back to my diary. Then to my photos.

How will we be looking back at these times? Actually we will not even be able to imagine what it was like before because there will only be an after!
Oh, Larry Moffit. How I love your ramblings and ravings. Feels like it gives me permission to just express myself as I am. Sure I am all over the place. My mind races faster than I can put my thoughts down on paper. Sometimes I’m afraid to share it all because of course nobody will understand it. But as much as I want your affirmation, I just want to get this out for myself. So why publish it? Somewhere out there is a shy, intelligent, clever unappreciated genius who just needs a push to share their talent with the world. We all have a mission. Not only Clare Josa, Larry Moffit, Todd Burrier and all my other triggers and mentors. I love you all. I also love all my other friends who don’t say a word or dare to expose themselves in public.
I am convinced we all have a mission and an important part to play in the unfolding of the universe. Amazingly we are living at a time when we can all really connect and learn from each other. We can complement each other. We don’t even need to compete with anyone!
That’s my two cents worth about life and the universe.

I teeter on the brink of the self-flagellation, poor me, I’m not good enough, to the accusation the internet stinks, the excuses: I couldn’t finish anything because… and bounce into the healthy appreciation of all I have and am and have done. Take a deep breath. You are enough. These are the words we need to repeat to ourselves every day.

This morning I was thinking about my virtual world and how we create our own reality. I just love the Navy CIS series on TV. Yesterday I also watched the movie “Cheaper by the Dozen” with Steve Martin. I saw an old black and white version when I was growing up and have wanted to see this for ages.
And so I realize I create my reality with what I feed my mind. They say that the mind can’t differentiate between reality and what other impulses you feed it. I just loved working at NSNS at the IAEA and when I watch Navy CIS I feel like I am the great FBI Agent and the forensic scientist, the detective and when I watch Cheaper by the Dozen – it’s me who is the wonder woman mother. Now thanks to my blog and virtual reality and Facebook I can be all those things!
Now shut up and go to bed. Maybe a few photos later. Still thoughts racing and all the things I was going to tell you. next time okay?