LillyPad

Hop on to my pad, Ozlilly's musings

Category: Philosophising (page 1 of 8)

Sharing my views on life, on my past experiences, on my beliefs and convictions, reflecting on things that have happened and what we can learn and how we can help each other.

Raben Mutter

Can I write my diary like my blog? I took photos of my steak yesterday, but no other shots of people, the place, the event. There was a selfie by David as we left Vienna. There was a group photo at the end. There was that good talk with John Fenessey at the Restaurant over dinner. I told him how I have to respect my kids and end up posting only photos of my food instead of everything else I am proud of.

  • Am I so insecure?
  • Am I suffering a lack of confidence?
  • DO I HAVE IMPOSTER SYNDROME?
  • Or am I traumatized since becoming a Moonie?

Tick: All of the above! LOL. LOL? Laugh out loud? Really? Is this funny? Well funny curious, not funny haha. At 64 I am still going through self-discovery, self recognition, self cognition. Getting to know myself. In the car on the way home for some reason I shared the experience I had when we were in Linz and I went to the paediatrian with my son who seemed to have breathing problems.

Yes, I remember the reason. We were dropping Mitch off at the railway station in Linz and I mentioned that we had lived in Linz for six years. David asked what it was like and I said we lived near the Danube and it was nice to walk along the Danube with the kids. Three of my children were born there.

The story was about the air quality in Linz which at that time was quite bad due to smog in the basin and the steel works nearby. The other part of the story is my feeling of inadequacy as a mother and the paediatrician’s response: Do not take a guilt trip about never giving your children enough love! (All lung and breathing tests proved positive and everything was fine.) There is an Austrian expression: “Raben Mutter”. It expresses a negligent mother who doesn’t take enough care of her children. It refers to working mothers. At that time I was “only” working at home, with my five children and supporting Josef in the home office. I love my children. I am so grateful to have had five of them. I am also grateful that my mother had five. Even though I always wanted a sister. Then I wanted a daughter. I got four brothers and five sons instead. God had other plans. But in His wisdom and in my faith, I still believe that “God” knows what “He’s” doing! Oh, the punctuation! So much more coming out here. So much more to express.

It is Sunday morning and I got home after midnight. Yesterday I got up at four in the morning and at six I was on my way to Salzburg for the Toastmasters Division Contest. It was a full day of amazing speeches from incredible people doing wonderful things.

Maybe I should be posting on the Toastmasters FaceBook page and reporting on the results? Maybe I should check all my What’sApp messages and share the photos? Maybe I should really be doing something else? Well, I have done a few minutes of journaling and now I am going to have my shower before Josef returns from the Sunday Service. And not only maybe, but actually, I will learn those affirmations to replace the negativity of: “I am not a raben mutter.”

Thank you Mark Schaefer. I read your article after writing but not publishing the above.

https://businessesgrow.com/2019/03/19/ten-years-of-blogging/

Dear Clare,

Ask your conscience. Only you and your God know.

So much out there. Live-stream? Forbid it because one person abused a privilege? Atomic energy – forbid it because of Chernobyl and Fukushima? Guns – forbid them because of irresponsible users and owners? Elder brothers forbid them because Cain killed Abel?

Reverend Moon taught me that evil appears to conquer before goodness can prevail. We know the saying about the darkest hour before dawn; the silver lining in the cloud; evil prevails when good men do nothing. Well, thanks Mark Shaefer, Aletta Rochard and many others, who are encouraging me to tell my story. No, this is not about me. It is about every single individual person on this planet and human integrity, respect and value.

Do I have an inferiority complex because I grew up with four brothers? Or because they all had a bicycle and I didn’t? Or because I didn’t know what it felt like to be a winner, when I didn’t know how to write my essay (compostion it was called then) in primary school and asked my mother for advice. Was it her fault that I couldn’t express the required winners’ thoughts as an Olympic medallion winner, when she advised me to just say I ran anyhow but it doesn’t matter that I didn’t win? Was she putting me down because I was “only a girl”?

What am I trying to prove anyhow?

Well actually, I really do my journaling for my own peace of mind. Maybe I even have a secret fear of getting Alzheimers, or some other dreadful vestiges of the mini-stroke I had six years ago. Maybe these memory lapses and my intelligence and keen sense of observation will help somebody else one day. Well, afterall, this is all just part of my story. So please let me tell it. I was so afraid you would leave me in fear when you discovered I was a unificationist. Moonies they used to call us. Surely now I have proven my sanity, my integrity, my value as a human being. We talk about tolerance, love, understanding, equality. I have experienced the other side. Let me get it out. You know how easily I cry. The optician said it is blocked tear ducts. Let’s see what difference two weeks on antibiotic eye drops does.

This is actually quite fun. I think most people who read this will just get totally confused and won’t even bother reading to the end. So I am enjoying telling my story the way I talk and think. A million things at a time. My way. Will I have the courage to post it publicly?

Himmel und Hoelle (Heaven and Hell)

We attended a seminar in Heiligenkreuz at the Catholic University, south of Vienna, Austria. It started off dark and depressing. I began wondering, “What am I doing here? Shouldn’t I be home finishing off editing the book on the spirit world?” We came together. Josef wanted to see Frau Dr Gerda Falkovic. She spoke in the afternoon. Continue reading

Melbourne Missionary in 1954

Fascinating reading about David SC Kim as a UN student in Wales, UK resulting in a missionary to/from Melbourne in 1954-1956 to Korea. http://familyfedihq.org/2017/06/a-man-with-a-mission-part-3/. Continue reading

EASTER HAPPY?

EASTER HAPPY?
After an eventful week, farewelling two dearest sisters into the spiritual world and attending a funeral on Good Friday, I reflect on whether I can post Happy Easter wishes or not. Continue reading

Pseudo Retirement or What?

Well here I am, it has been nearly a month and I have not been bored a single minute. Continue reading

I was a full-time tricycle engine manufacturer

I was a full-time tricycle engine manufacturer for ten years.

I was a research officer at the Institute for Child Development and Interpersonal Relationships

I led a long-term research programme in the laboratory Continue reading

True Parents United Nations

The Toastmasters meeting at the VIC (Vienna International Centre = United Nations Headquarters in Vienna) was a challenge and an opportunity. Continue reading

Trust and unite with one another

Thirty four years ago we had the blessing and privilege to hear these words in Madison Square Garden:
Until today, the eyes of the world have been upon our Church; after today the eyes of the world will be upon you and your families. Remember three things above all in your life together:
1. The eternal union of husband and wife.
Your marriage is not merely “until death do us part,”

Continue reading

High School Fail

So I was looking for my old school colleagues, but maybe I wanted a little bit of praise and recognition too. After all, despite my initial failures, I consider my life a success.

Continue reading

Reflection

Wir können es nicht jedem recht machen und nicht jeder mag uns, unabhängig davon, wie wertvoll wir als Mensch sein mögen und wie viel Gutes wir tun. Tun Sie das Richtige, aus den richtigen Gründen, in der richtigen Weise, aus Ihrer Sichtweise, und lassen Sie den Dingen ihren Lauf.
Thank you Todd. http://blog.balance-tools.de/en/leading-with-heart/

As I use the words of reflection from someone I know and cherish to express myself, allow me to “preach to myself”.

Continue reading

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